Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who has never lived with a significant other. He said that he would find it hard to give up the privacy of living alone. I commented that, to my mind, the biggest change is always having to take the other person's needs into account. As in, it's no longer just about when you're hungry, bored, sleepy, busy, sad, etc. -- you have to factor in if/when the other person is hungry, bored, sleepy, busy, sad, etc. as well. "That's it," said my friend. "I'm never moving in with someone else."
By pure coincidence, I stumbled over this article today. Apparently living alone is a big topic right now. The article itself, though, was kind of silly -- as many of the commenters point out, the "quirks" mentioned are not particularly quirky. I get the convenience points (it's true that living together probably makes for more regular mealtimes and sharing a bed with the other person), but it's a bit sad that the article implies that habits like, say, talking to your cat, or singing Journey songs in the shower, are unfit for another person's presence. How much do these people think you have to censor yourself around your nearest and dearest? In particular, I read the bit about standing naked in the kitchen and eating peanut butter out of the jar, and thought, "I'm sure I've done that before -- and S hasn't batted an eyelid." And why should he??
I read that article too! And I found myself half-wishing I could live alone but still have a family. Which, of course, is impossible. But it would be really nice to go to bed and wake up, and make noise, and watch TV, and turn the lights on or off, whenever I felt like it.
ReplyDeleteI do censor myself. Oddly enough, I find myself doing it less when just the kids are around.
I just read the comments. Very interesting! I liked this one:
ReplyDeleteWhat is eccentric is marriage... two people in constant and varying states of unbalance trying to make it all work while the self undergoes the stress of constant adaptation which is the quieter part of deconstruction. Nuts to that!
and the one from the guy who said he had developed all sorts of quirks when living alone, but then found someone who accepted all his quirks and he accepted all of hers, and now they're happily living together.
My favorite quirk was the guy who takes digital photos of The New York Times and reads them on his computer screen, because he likes the look but not the feel of paper. (But again, I don't understand why he wouldn't be able to do that if he were living with someone.)
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think wistfully about living alone too, much as I love having S around. It's so nice to have everything just the way you like it, and to know that no messes are going to crop up between when you leave your home and when you return. And one living-alone luxury I forgot to mention to my friend is that you never have to be influenced by anyone else's mood. When I come home at the end of a stressful day, it really upsets me to hear S swearing and muttering bitterly to himself in the study -- it makes me want to curl up into a ball and bury my head under the couch cushions. Or if he is violently exuberant, and I am not, that's kind of distressing too.
How do you censor yourself? Do you mean keeping quirks under wraps, or just keeping up a higher standard of personal/household care? (I guess the two are along the same spectrum, since based on the comments, it seems that many quirks have to do with lapses in personal/household care.)
Another thing: I almost think people develop more quirks living together. You end up with all these weird ways you communicate and interact with each other, which are generally more specialized and "quirky" than the solo quirks referenced in the article (e.g., speaking French to yourself WHILE LISTENING TO A LANGUAGE CD -- isn't that the whole point of the CD?).
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