This reminded me of a talk I had with a family friend when I was deciding whether to go to grad school. She did mention that I would be decreasing my pool of prospective spouses by getting a post-graduate degree. Both because (A) I would want to be with someone of a similar education level, and (B) men find women with PhDs (especially in science!) less attractive. I don't feel that (A) is really true (it's good to be with someone of a similar mindset, but there are many measures of ambition and accomplishment that have nothing to do with adding extra letters to your name), but (B), sadly, may be. As evidenced, perhaps, by the ex-boyfriend who was totally ashamed that I was in grad school and told me not to mention it around his friends.
I never complained to you about this? The conversations would go something like this:
E (for ex-boyfriend): I'm not going to tell any of my friends that you're in grad school. M (for me): Huh? Why? E: Because they'll assume you're ugly, and I don't want them to think I have an ugly girlfriend. You might be okay looking if you were in grad school for, say, English. But no one is going to think a biology grad student is attractive. M: But what if they've already met me? Then they already know whether or not they find me attractive. E: Just don't mention it!
Interesting letter!
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of a talk I had with a family friend when I was deciding whether to go to grad school. She did mention that I would be decreasing my pool of prospective spouses by getting a post-graduate degree. Both because (A) I would want to be with someone of a similar education level, and (B) men find women with PhDs (especially in science!) less attractive. I don't feel that (A) is really true (it's good to be with someone of a similar mindset, but there are many measures of ambition and accomplishment that have nothing to do with adding extra letters to your name), but (B), sadly, may be. As evidenced, perhaps, by the ex-boyfriend who was totally ashamed that I was in grad school and told me not to mention it around his friends.
I don't think I knew that! (The being ashamed part. I'm assuming I know which ex-boyfriend it is.)
ReplyDeleteI never complained to you about this? The conversations would go something like this:
ReplyDeleteE (for ex-boyfriend): I'm not going to tell any of my friends that you're in grad school.
M (for me): Huh? Why?
E: Because they'll assume you're ugly, and I don't want them to think I have an ugly girlfriend. You might be okay looking if you were in grad school for, say, English. But no one is going to think a biology grad student is attractive.
M: But what if they've already met me? Then they already know whether or not they find me attractive.
E: Just don't mention it!
There's a reason he's E for Ex.
ReplyDelete